INNER PEACE
Find inner peace by clenching and
unclenching your buttocks at least twenty
times a day.

YOUR BODY
Your body is a superb instrument.
Why not join an orchestra?

APPEARANCES
You don’t really need make-up.
Celebrate your authentic face by frightening
people on the street

TRUST
Trust your feelings.
Give them space to express themselves.
Let them go out to the shops on their own.
But tell them not to take sweets
from strangers.

LOVE
Loveis not just a feeling, Love is a powerful tool.
Show your powerful tool to people and ask
them to admire it. If they don’t want to look
at it, put it away again.

HAVE A LAUGH
Laughter is often the best medicine.
Find a person much poorer than you,
and laugh at them

SIMPLE PLEASURES
Get pleasure out of the little things in life.
Stand on anant.

SATISFYING
Satisfy your inner child by eating ten
tubes of Smarties.

All the quotes on this page where taken
From ‘The Little Book of Complete Bollocks’,
          By Alistair Beaton

find more about Alistair Beaton
Copies Complete Bollocks
available from links below:
www.amazon.co.uk
www.abebooks.co.uk
more of his books